The Week’s Most Disaster-Heading, Needle-Threading, and Matzo-Breading Headlines PALM BLEEDINGS Remember Dionne Warwick’s Psychic Friends? Well, Danielle Cherakiyah Johnson was a psychic enemy. A self-described “black astrologer, psychic, and recording artist” with 100,000 followers, Johnson, aka “Ayoka,” gave tips about life, love, and how to buy her self-produced album Crystal Balls and Woodpeckers. Last month, Johnson became convinced that the then-upcoming solar eclipse signaled the apocalypse. “Ayoka” was not A-okay. Shortly before the eclipse, she began madly posting ...
The Week’s Most Gayish, Grayish, and Patriots’ Dayish Headlines TAKING IT UP THE BUTT(ERFLY) There was a time when leftists demanded that the entire world stand still for a bug. In 1995, when ...
The Week’s Most Bitter, Glitter, and Eid al-Fitr Headlines WE INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMADAN... Canadians are like sloths. It’s hard to hate sloths. They’re cute, funny, and no ...
The Week’s Funniest, Runniest, and Easter Bunniest Headlines GENTILE CLUBS, JEWISH BALLS In early-1900s West L.A., the WASP elites spent their leisure time at the Rancho ...
The Week’s Clingiest, Stringiest, and Springiest Headlines SXSS The South by Southwest (SXSW) film and music festival in Austin is no stranger to disruption. In 2014, a man ...
The Week’s Most Bah, Blah, and Erin-Go-Bragh Headlines AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE TEACHER AWAY (HOPEFULLY) The Long Beach (California) Unified School District has paid $900,000 ...
The Week’s Most Glowering, Empowering, and Lose-an-Houring Headlines HEAP BAD DECISION The Telegraph has declared Americans “in revolt” against “green energy,” thanks ...
The Week’s Most Scion, Zion, and In-Like-a-Lion Headlines KURDS AND WHY Mohammed El-Kurd bills himself as “the first-ever Palestine correspondent for The Nation.” Though ...
The Week’s Most Vile, Worthwhile, and Bissextile Headlines MARCUS STARVEY According to The New York Times, there’s a growing movement of American blacks relocating to ...
The Week’s Most Torrential, Deferential, and Presidential Headlines NUTS TO YOU A guy walks into a doctor’s office. Though normal from all outward appearances, when the man ...
The Week’s Most Wining, Dining, and Be-My-Valentining Headlines HOLLYWOOD’S BLACKLIST Santa’s Village was an amusement park where kids could experience Christmas ...
The Week’s Most Veering, Peering, and Leap-Yearing Headlines SOMEWHERE OVER THE BRAIN-SLOW It was the greatest unsolved mystery of our time. D.B. Cooper? The Black Dahlia? The ...
The Week’s Most Humping, Lumping, and Border-Jumping Headlines EXTERMINATION CHARGING STATION You can’t spell “never again” without “EV.” Last week Elon Musk faced a ...
The Week’s Most Flying, Crying, and Friendly-Skying Headlines JUST PLANE CRAZY 2023’s least pleasant travel trend was airplane defecation. A dozen stories involving ...
The Week’s Most Teeming, Scheming, and I-Have-a-Dreaming Headlines A SCOOBY JEW MYSTERY! Today’s episode: The Case of the Haunted Brownstone. Crown Heights, Brooklyn: For ...
The Week’s Most Shaking, Baking, and Resolution-Breaking Headlines PLATE OUTTA COMPTON As Governor Newsom rolls out statewide free healthcare for all illegals, Californians who ...
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